News And Views

SAYINGS AND THEIR STRANGE ORIGINS

nikita — Thu, 17 May 2012 09:10:53 +0000

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride

This phrase, surprisingly, was used to sell Listerine mouthwash! To promote their product, the manufacturers of Listerine employed the personal experience of girls at the time, who desperately wanted to settle down but seemed always to be left on the shelf. First used in the 1920’s, it portrays a situation and a possible explanation for the lack of success these girls had. Here is the transcript of the ad:

Poor Edna was getting on for thirty and most of her girlfriends were either already married, or about to tie the knot. How she wished that, instead of being their bridesmaid, she could be the bride! However, any romance of hers invariably ended quickly. There was a reason. Unbeknownst to her, she suffered from bad breath and no one would tell her, not ever her closest friends. The advertisement sold millions of bottles of mouthwash and also gave the English language a new saying!

Bark up the wrong tree

Originating back when hunting was still a major sport, this phrase came from when animals were used to track, catch or retrieve prey. This applies, not least, to dogs. Dogs were used in the chasing of raccoons, which was chiefly undertaken at night and were trained to indicate the tree in which the animal had taken refuge by barking at it. Of course, even dogs can err and, at times, barked up the wrong tree.

Be on a good footing

A pleasant relationship with other people, not least those in a superior position, is portrayed as being ‘on a good footing’ with them. There are two thoughts as to where this saying came from. Some say the phrase goes back to a practice of early apprenticeships. It was the custom, on the first day at work, for apprentices to invite all their workmates for drinks. The new apprentice ‘footed the bill’. If proved a generous host, he made friends for keeps. The hospitality would never be forgotten. Recalling how much it had cost, it was said the novice gained ‘a good footing’. A second derivation links the phrase with an early and bizarre interpretation of human anatomy, the importance given to the length of one of a person’s digits. At one time, the dimension of the middle toes determined a person’s ‘standing’ in the community. Thus, the measurement of their foot decided their status in the eyes of others. Those whom nature and genes had endowed with large feet were lucky to be ‘on a good footing’. Draw your own conclusions on this one!

Beat around the bush

Someone who doesn’t get to the point is said to ‘beat around the bush’. The origin of this phrase is, undoubtedly, from hunting, and more specifically from the hunting of boars. A ferocious animal, it often hid in the undergrowth and beaters were employed and ordered to go straight in to chase it out. But very much aware, and afraid, of the animals’ sharp tusks, they much preferred to merely ‘beat around the bush’ a practice strongly disapproved of by their masters.

Best foot forward

When you are trying to make a good impression it is said that you should put your ‘best foot forward’. There are many options as to where this phrase came from, one being that it was believed that ‘the left’ was the realm of the devil, of evil and misfortune. After all the Latin word sinister means left, and in English sinister has kept its ominous meaning. Hence, it was advisable to keep the left foot behind and step forward with the best, the right, foot first.

But this phrase seems to have come from the fashion world, rather than the occult. The saying can be traced to male vanity, particularly apparent in the late eighteenth century, the period of the dandy. His desire to attract people’s attention and admiration took strange and elaborate forms. At the time, people imagined that their two legs differed in shape and that ‘normally’ one was more becoming than the other. To draw attention to it they kept the worse one in the background, literally putting ‘their best foot forward’, and with it, of course, their leg.

Bite the bullet

A person who ‘bites the bullet’, without any sign of fear, acts with great courage in the face of adversity. The phrase recollects a dangerous army practice in the 1850s. Soldiers were then equipped with the British Enfield rifle. Prior to using it, they had to bite off the head of the cartridge to expose the explosive to the spark which would ignite it. The procedure was fraught with danger, particularly so in the heat of battle. It needed firmness and courage, as even the slightest deviation or hesitation would endanger the soldier.

Blow Hot and Cold

People who waver in their opinions and quickly change from being enthusiastic to showing disinterest are said to ‘blow hot and cold’. The saying can be traced to one of Aesop’s Fables. It was a cold winter’s day, and the freezing traveler was blowing on his stiff fingers. Mystified, a satyr wanted to know what he was doing. The man explained to him that, with his breath, he was warming his chilled fingers. Taking pity on him, the satyr invited the man to his home for a hot meal. This time, he watched him blowing on the food, which intrigued him all the more. Inquiring why he did so, his guest explained that he was blowing on the stew to cool it down. There and then the satyr told the traveler to leave at once. He was not prepared to entertain, or even mix with, someone who could ‘blow hot and cold from the same mouth’.

Break a leg

To wish an actor prior to his going on stage to ‘break a leg’ is a well-known practice. A pretty strange wish, actually it is meant magically to bring him luck and make sure that his performance will be a success. From the superstitious age it was thought that jealous forces, always present, are only too anxious to spoil any venture. A good luck wish would alert and provoke them to do their evil work, whilst a curse will make them turn their attention elsewhere. The underlying principle is the belief that if you wish evil, then good will come. I’m sure it’s called reverse psychology these days.

Bury the hatchet

To bury the hatchet means to create peace. With hostilities at an end, the hatchet was no longer needed, and therefore could be disposed of. Now a merely figurative expression, the phrase is based on an actual practice of North American Indians. When negotiating peace, they buried all their weapons; their tomahawks, scalping knives and clubs. Apart from showing their good faith, simultaneously it made it impossible for them to go on fighting.

By hook or by crook

The achievement of a goal with determination, by fair means or foul, is described as getting things done ‘by hook or by crook’. The origin of this phrase is linked with an early British practice, at a time when forests were still the exclusive property of royalty. For any unauthorized commoner, then, to gather firewood in them was a crime, poor people being the only exception. Though they were not permitted to cut or saw off branches, they were free to remove withered timber from the ground or even a tree, doing so by means of either a hook or a crook.

LAURO GOLF COURSE

nikita — Mon, 07 May 2012 11:23:26 +0000

Lauro 27 Golf can be found in the middle of beautiful pure nature in spectacular surroundings.

The course counts with 27 holes that can be played in three different combinations, all par 72.

From the beginning the design and function of the course has been based on respecting the nature and the environment that surrounds it by not only saving and caring for the already existing trees but also by planting thousands of new trees, most of them indigenous andalucian species.

In Lauro Golf the nature is everywhere. Within the whole complex the direct contact with the nature is constant and whether you are playing golf, living in the residential or just enjoying a stroll in the surroundings you can see that we are not the only visitors at Lauro Golf. You can often see rabbits, ducks, partridges, herons and even eagles on and around the golf course, our friendly neighbours who are enjoying the micro-climate of the course created by the thousands of trees and the fourteen lakes of the golf course.

The course was designed by the late Folco Nardi and the idea was to create a course that was technically challenging yet not too difficult. With a good concentration and the correct election of the clubs the player can end up with a good score in one of the 50 competitions played every year at Lauro Golf.

The extension of the course with the holes 19-27 designed by Mariano Benitez follows the same line and equally requires concentration and skills. The course is moderately flat and can be played by foot though there are two holes located on the side of the mountain and from which we can enjoy some spectacular views over the valley of Guadalhorce and the Mediterranean.

The club house is located in an old Andalucian building, Cortijo el paredón, where you can find the restaurant, changing and locker rooms, pro shop and the caddy master office. On our premises and the surroundings you can also find a swimming pool, a padel tennis club, lawn bowls club and an equestrian centre. In the middle of the cortijo there is a fabulous patio, with an enormous rubber plant in the middle which offers shade to the players enjoying their food and drinks after a game of golf.

http://www.laurogolf.com/

NEW RULES FOR NIE APPLICATIONS

nikita — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 11:18:25 +0000

The rules regarding NIE applications have once again been revised. Local police stations are once again accepting applications on behalf of third parties from representatives with power of attorney.

The last revision to the rules on 3^rd January 2012 made it mandatory for individuals applying for a NIE number to personally attend the local police station to make the application. It was no longer possible to engage the services of a representative with power of attorney to carry out this process.

The process of acquiring an NIE is not simple. The lack of conformity in what documentation is required is staggering as are the queues at the local police stations. It is therefore good news for those people who are daunted by the whole process of applying for an NIE number that they can now hand it over to someone else who can battle their way through the bureaucracy and queues on their behalf.

COUNTRY CODES

nikita — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 08:11:04 +0000

This article by Peter Edgerton was in the SUR IN ENGLISH recently and I thought it was very amusing.

For anyone thinking of coming to live in Spain there are a few dos and don’ts which are of the utmost importance if the transition is to be a successful and happy one.

The first detail to note is that as new arrivals we are, indeed ‘coming to live in Spain’ not ‘coming to live in a transportable version of our home country under a sunnier sky.’ A healthy acknowledgement of this basic fact will help no end. It’s a good idea, therefore, to learn a couple of phrases in Spanish before you arrive in order to avoid the classic ‘red-faced pot-bellied bloke/woman yells at bewildered waitress in thick Yorkshire/Geordie/Scouse accent scenario.’ This is always mightily embarrassing especially if what’s being bellowed involves the vocabulary ‘Dear’, ‘Darlin’ and an adjectival swear word.

In the same vein, it’s also good to try to respect local customs, especially if they have been woven into the fabric of society down the centuries. This means for example, not complaining to the town hall about the noise during Holy Week, as one legendary British couple in a white Andalusian village did a few years ago. The loud drumming and deafeningly mournful music is all part of the cultural and religious experience. Rumour has it they were annoyed because they couldn’t hear a repeat of ‘Only Fools And Horses’ properly, but this may be an urban myth.

Do try the wonderful Mediterranean diet (except the salads, obviously; they’re equally useless whichever country you’re in). When I first arrived, I couldn’t bear olives or cured ham and now they’re two of my favourite snacks. Do not – as I’ve seen happen on more than one occasion – take your own pot of mint sauce to restaurants to slap on your leg of lamb. It’s rude.

If you’re thinking of starting a business, you simply must employ someone to do the paperwork. Those hoping to save a few bob by dealing with the bureaucracy themselves usually end up in one of two places: Alhaurin prison (for lamping the twenty third person to tell them that they’re not in the correct office and the one they want is three miles away but is just about to shut for two days for no apparent reason) or a lunatic asylum, rocking and drooling in a darkened corner, endlessly repeating the same speech, ‘But, I brought nine photocopies of my mother’s driving licence just as she asked. No-one mentioned my dad’s golf club membership card. I only wanted to open a cake shop.’

Don’t worry about people shouting at each other at all times, there’s no need to call the police. Full-blooded screaming matches are appropriate to any number of situations over here e.g. discussing a disputed handball decision from last night’s football match, cursing the immediate family of a neighbour in extraordinarily graphic terms or asking someone for the time. Don’t try to compete when these moments arise in social situations, you’ll be brow-beaten into submission by a combination of decibels and dogged determination. I’ve long suspected that Spanish people practice circular breathing rather like didgeridoo players in order to avoid the inconvenience of having to pause for breath when in full flight. There is no conclusive proof of this, however.

So returning to the idea of learning rudimentary Spanish before coming over, I’d like to suggest three indispensable phrases to learn before arrival.

‘Sin ensalada, gracias.’ (‘No salad, thank you.’), ‘Perdone, es que tengo que irme, no quiero perder Solo Tontos Y Caballos.’ (Sorry, I’m afraid I have to go, I don’t want to miss Only Fools and Horses) and ¿Oye, tocas el didgeridoo, por casualidad? (‘Hey, do you play the didgeridoo, by any chance?’). The last one you may have to scream very loudly.

A HOME FROM HOME FOR BRITS

nikita — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 09:02:34 +0000

I read this interesting article in the SUR In English and thought I would share it with you.

Andalucia offers the best of Britain and Spain, and those who make the move find they don’t have to go without home comforts.

Stereotypes and sweeping statements surround the idea of ‘the Brits in Spain’. It is widely assumed that British expatriates in Spain do not integrate and do not learn the language. It is implied that they don’t take any interest in Spain or the Spanish way of life, that they spend most of their time in British bars and buy British goods wherever possible.

The truth is that while this is generalisation, this scenario is perfectly possible, in an environment which welcomes Brits who wish to continue to live their British life in a new location. There are businesses whose sole purpose it is to help those who don’t speak the language to settle in and make the most out of life in Spain.

The attraction

Britons are attracted to Spain by the sea and mountain views, Spanish fiestas and food, the warm winter sun, the holiday atmosphere and the friendly people.

It is often said that the foreign public’s image of Spain is the reality of Andalucia, with flamenco, fiestas, white villages nestled on hillsides, Moorish castles, endless blue skies, olive groves and sun-soaked beaches.

The Costa del Sol offers the best of what both Britain and Spain can offer. The rise of budget airlines and last minute deals has made it easier than ever to be able to travel affordably to and from the UK, and the ability to fly back cheaply to see relatives is an important factor in the decision of those who choose to relocate to Andalucia rather than somewhere further afield.

Both residents and tourists can enjoy the proximity of traditional, rural Spain as well as the many benefits offered by a modern tourist resort. Some who settle here take trips inland to look for unspoilt Spain, while others are content to remain on the coast where British-speaking help is always on hand.

Some elderly British residents on the Costa believe that their experience of aging is far more positive than it would have been had they stayed in Britain mainly because of the weather. The higher temperatures and infrequent rainfall mean that you go out more and, because you get more exercise, you’re healthier.

Feeling valued

Those who retire to the Costa del Sol find that their new life does not mean inactivity; there is a wide range of leisure activities to take part in and mobility is eased by the warmth. Many find that they become part of a community in which they feel valued.

There are so many English speaking clubs and societies to join on the Costa del Sol that it’s a wonder anyone ever finds time to do nothing, as the stereotype suggests. These clubs incorporate all conceivable hobbies from music and dancing to flower arranging and gardening to cricket and lawn bowls to bridge and chess. And if you can’t find a club which offers what you’re interested in, then you can bet there will be a demand for it should you start one yourself.

Amenities

The close expat community incorporates British businesses, including an Iceland in Fuengirola and a Marks & Spencer in Marbella. Of course, the proximity of Gibraltar means never having to go without your favourite products from home and the internet and satellite TV allow you to enjoy British programmes abroad. There are also Spanish based radio stations and publications, including this English language newspaper, SUR in English, to keep you up to date on Spanish and expat news!

Some migrants worry about their children’s education, anxious that going to a Spanish school would leave them behind others their age and therefore unable to compete in the job market when they finish. These issues can be avoided by sending your children to an international school, of which there are many here on the Costa. However, children learn very quickly and should overcome the initial disadvantages and on leaving the Spanish school system they will be completely bilingual.

A good choice

Whether you’re looking for a beach apartment, a country cottage or a mountain retreat, or don’t care and just want to escape the drizzle and traffic queues in the UK, chances are the Costa del Sol is the place for you.

Source: http://services.surinenglish.com/virtual/20120330-special/

HOLY WEEK IN SPAIN

nikita — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 11:16:25 +0000

I am sure many of you will have watched the processions during Holy Week and wondered what the Spanish names are for some of the elements of the parades. Below are just some that I have discovered.

ANTIFAZ

The hood worn by some members of the procession. Penitentes wear just the Antifaz. Nazarenos wear both the Antifaz and the Capirote.

BANDA DE MÚSICA

The band that accompanies the processions.

CAPATAZ

Person who directs the Costaleros who carry the Paso.

CAPIROTE

Pointed or cone shaped hood worn by the Nazarenos which symbolises repentance and grief.

COSTALEROS

Persons carrying the Paso.

CIRIALES

Members of the procession dressed like priests carrying silver staffs with candles.

CIRIOS

Very long candles carried by Nazarenos.

CRUZ DE GUĺA

Cross carried in front of the procession of Nazarenos.

HERMANDAD

Is the brotherhood or members of a church who take part in the procession.

HERMANOS

Members of the Hermandad.

IMAGEN

Sculpture, typically of Christ or the Virgin Mary.

INCIENSO/INCENSARIO

Incense burned in metal containers (Incensario) hung from a rope or chain and swung about to disperse the scent.

LA MADRUGÁ

Starting late Thursday night/Friday morning. This is a series of processions which can run all through the night until the following morning.

MONAGUILLOS

Children dressed like Ciriales (Priests).

NAZARENO

Member of the Hermandad (brotherhood) dressed in a robe and a cone shaped hood to hide their identity. Colours of robes and hoods depend on the procession.

PALIO

Canopy supported by poles, or Varales which covers the image of the Virgin Mary.

PASO

Float with the Virgin Mary or Christ, decorated with candles and flowers.

SAETA

A serenade sung by one person to the imagen of the Virgin Mary. The Paso stops during the singing.

TÚNICA

Tunic or robe worn by the Nazarenos.

VARALES

Silver or gold poles supporting the canopy/Palio which covers the image of the Virgin Mary.

PROTECTION OF MORTGAGE DEBTORS

nikita — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 10:32:39 +0000

PROTECTION OF MORTGAGE DEBTORS.

We have received this information from MARTINEZ ECHEVARRIA I PEREZ I FERRERO ABOGADOS and thought we would share it with you.

If you would like further clarification of this information please contact david.perez@martinezechevarria.com

Royal Decree Law 6/2012 of 9 March, on urgent measures to protect mortgage holders out of resources.

Object.

- Establish measures to ensure the restructuring of mortgage debt of those with special difficulties in meeting its payment;
- Relax the foreclosure proceedings.

To whom it applies:

- As a general rule, debtors located on the threshold of exclusion loan or credit agreements secured by real estate mortgage
- Will be generally applicable measures contained in Articles 12 (extrajudicial execution procedure) and 13 (preference for access to aid for tenants).

Threshold. Shall be considered located at the threshold of exclusion those debtors of credit or loan secured by mortgage on your primary residence, when they concur in all of the following:

- Must be the only house owned by the debtor
- Loan / credit granted for purchase without collateral or inadequate personal
- All members of the household must have no earned income or economic activities;
- Higher mortgage payment to 60 per 100 in net income of the household;
- Members of the family unit must lack of assets to meet debt and Mode accreditation requirements. It develops in the art. 3

Moderation of default interest. From the time that the debtor prove that is located on the threshold of exclusion, the applicable penalty interest shall not exceed the result of adding a remunerative interest on the loan agreed a 2.5 per cent on capital outstanding loan. This measure applies, though the financial institution has not signed the Code of Good Practice, as Article 4 that includes the regulation is independent of the Code.

Code of Practice.

Features:

- May voluntarily subscribe to credit institutions or any other entity, professionally, carries out the loans or mortgages;
- Published as an annex to RDL;
- Once signed, compliance is mandatory;
- Either party may compel the other to grant deed of novation of the contract, applying the provisions contained in the Code of Good Practice, with the costs borne by the applicant, the innovation will have the effects specified in Article 4.3 of the Law 2/1994, (no change in range of the mortgage, except increased responsibility or term);
- May be invoked before the courts by the affected party;
- Stay in the Code shall be for a minimum of two years, automatically renewable from year to year;
- The acquisition value of the home being financed must be less than the following limits:
                - Cities of more than one million people: 200,000€.
                - Over 500,000 or in metropolitan areas of over a million: 180,000€
                - Over 100,000 people: 150,000€.
                - Other: 120,000€.
- Will be applicable only to the member institutions, debtors and contracts referred to this Royal Decree, not walking its length, as a matter of policy or interpretation, to any other area, although, of course, the member institutions may matter purely discretionary implement the provisions of the Code of Practice to debtors or improve various provisions contained therein.

Procedure:
- Financial institutions should communicate their inclusion in the General Secretariat of Treasury and Finance, who shall publish the quarterly list in Electronic Office and the BOE.
- Monitoring will be conducted by a Commission of Control which is a representation of the Spanish Mortgage Association, the Bank of Spain, the National Stock Exchange and the Ministry of Economy who will chair the committee and have a casting vote .
- The Control Commission shall publish a yearly report on their compliance.
- May be introduced to the Bank of Spain claims arising out of any alleged failure by the banks of the Code of Good Practice, which will receive the same treatment as other claims processing and resolution which corresponds to said Bank of Spain.

Misapplication. The debtor would have benefited both the reduced penalty interest as the provisions of the Code of Practice without qualifying for it, or who willfully and deliberately, seek placed or kept on the threshold, will affect at least the following consequences:

- Be liable for damages that may have occurred for an amount not less than the benefit improperly obtained;
- Pay all costs arising from the implementation of these measures of flexibility.

Fiscal

- ITPYAJD. A new article 45.IB number 23) of the revised text:
“23. The writings of formalization of contractual innovations and mortgage lending to occur pursuant to Royal Decree Law 6/2012 of 9 March, on urgent measures to protect mortgage borrowers without resources, shall be exempt from the quota phase- the notarial stamp mode of this tax. ”
- Increase in Value of Urban Land. A new paragraph 3 to Article 106 of the Act Regulating Local Tax:
“3. In transfers made by debtors within the scope of Article 2 of Royal Decree Law 6/2012 of 9 March, on urgent measures to protect mortgage holders out of resources, on the occasion of the payment in your housing provided for in paragraph 3 of Annex of that rule will be considered a substitute for the taxpayer taxable entity acquires the property without the substitute may require the taxpayer the amount of tax obligations met. ”
- Income tax. It adds an additional provision to Law 35/2006 of 28 November:
“Thirty-Sixth additional provision. Foreclosed housing. Shall be exempt from this tax the capital gains that could be generated in the debtors within the scope of Article 2 of Royal Decree Law 6/2012 of 9 March, on urgent measures to protect mortgage borrowers without resources, occasion of the payment in your home under paragraph 3 of Annex of this standard. “

Tariffs. The notary and registration duties arising from the cancellation of real rights in cases of mortgage foreclosed mortgaged debtor located in the threshold for exclusion of this Royal Decree-law, give a bonus by 50 percent. The debtor shall not bear any additional cost of the financial institution that purchases mortgage free of charge, ownership of the property mortgaged before.

Extrajudicial execution procedure. This reform is of general application and not only to debtors included in the threshold of exclusion, but only affects cases where the procedure taken against a debtor’s residence:

1. The realization of the value of the property will take place through a single auction for that type will be that agreed in the memorandum of mortgage. However, if you submit a bid for an amount not less than 70 percent of the amount by which the good would come to auction, means the property awarded to whoever presents the best position.
2. When submitted the highest bid is less than 70 percent of the type referred to the auction, the debtor may file, within ten days, the third to improve posture, offering more than the 70 percent of the appraised value or, even less than this amount is sufficient to achieve complete satisfaction of the right of the performer.
3. After the said period expires without the debtor of good conduct as provided in the preceding paragraph, the creditor may, within a period of five days, the award of the property or properties for an amount not less than 60 percent of the appraised value .
4. If the creditor not to make use of that authority, means the property awarded to who has submitted the highest bid, provided that the amount you have offered over 50 percent of the appraised value or, still less, cover at least the amount claimed for all items.
5. If the act of the auction no bidder has not, the creditor may, within twenty days, request the award in the amount not less than 60 percent of the appraised value.
6. If the creditor fails to make use of the option referred to above, shall be governed by the provisions of Article 236 n. Regulation of Mortgage (if there should remain deserted auctions held and the creditor fails to do the right goods procured executed, the Notary will terminate execution and close and formally registered the minutes, which opened to the courts that apply).

The reform is to adapt this procedure a set of rules (Articles 234 et seq of the Mortgage Regulations, which refers to art. 129 LH) to the reforms of the Civil Procedure Act that affected their Article 670, 671 and later additions Sixth Additional Provision.

Now, the possibility of three auctions now limited to cases where the property is not the debtor’s residence.

But even after this reform, it awards for bids to cover the amount claimed, but this was ridiculous (paragraph 4), also by the creditor, if he acted as a bidder.

MOTHERS DAY

nikita — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 09:22:26 +0000

“Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young.” ~ Author Unknown

“Mothers are all slightly insane.” ~ J.D. Salinger

“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” ~ Phyllis Diller

“There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.” ~ Chinese Proverb

“It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.” ~ Helen Rowland

“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” ~ Calvin Trillin

“A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for ever after.” ~ Peter De Vries

“It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.” ~ Phyllis Diller

“All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his.” ~ Oscar Wilde

“A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.” ~ Tenneva Jordan

“You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back.” ~William D. Tammeus.

“Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life.” ~ Author Unknown

“Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease.” ~ LisaAlther

“My mother had to send me to the movies with my birth certificate, so that I wouldn’t have to pay the extra fifty cents that the adults had to pay.” ~ KareemAbdul-Jabbar

“My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.” ~ Mark Twain

“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” ~ Buddy Hackett

FRANK “IT’S THE WAY I TELL EM” CARSON HAS DIED AGED 85

nikita — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 11:47:44 +0000

Belfast born comedian Frank started out performing in local pubs and concert halls. He got his big break on the TV Show ‘Opportunity Knocks’ in the 1960s and then went on to take part in TV show ‘The Comedians’.

Described as “one of the nicest people in showbiz” Frank also worked tirelessly for charity.

Below are just some of his jokes and as he would say ‘IT’S A CRACKER’.

J Paddy calls a wrong number at 3am. “Is that O’Malley’s Bar?” he asks. “No it’s not, this is a private residence.” “Oh, I must have the wrong number. Sorry to have troubled you,” says Paddy. “Ah it’s no trouble,” says the stranger. “I had to get up to answer the phone anyway.”

J My father fought in World War I single-handedly destroyed the Germans’ lines of communication. He ate their pigeon.

J A fella said to the doctor: “What’s the good news?” “You’ve got 24 hours to live.” He says: “What’s the bad news?” And the doc says: “We should have told you yesterday.”

J An Irishman’s wife gave birth to twins. Her husband demanded to know who the other man was.

J A fella walks into a pet shop and says: “Give me a wasp.” The shopkeeper replies: “We don’t sell wasps.” He says: “There’s one in the window.”

J A fella walked into hospital and the doctor said: “You’ve got three minutes to live.” The man said: “Can you do something for me?” “Yes,” he said. “I’ll boil you an egg.”

J Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

J I don’t think my wife likes me very much. When I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.

J I rang British Telecom. I said, “I want to report a nuisance caller.” He said: “Not you again.”

J My wife said to me: “If you won the lottery, would you still love me?” I said: “Of course I would. I’d miss you, but I’d still love you.”

Alhaurin el Grande - Living life to the full in a typically Spanish town

nikita — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 09:13:43 +0000

Having spent a third of my life living in Alhaurin el Grande I am obviously qualified to talk about this amazing market town, so strategically positioned that by car anyone can be in Malaga, Marbella, Fuengirola, or Torremolinos in less than half an hour. Check it out on Google if you don’t believe me!

Off course it was not always like this. In 1988 when I bought my first home in Alhaurin el Grande it used to take me one hour fifteen minutes to get to the airport, and yes I did have a good car.

The views of the Guadalahorce valley from almost anywhere in Alhaurin are breathtaking and if one is lucky enough to live on the east side at the foot of the forest the views stretch as far as Malaga bay. On clear winter days one can see the cruise ships sailing in and out of the harbour.

The history of Alhaurin can be traced back to Roman times when the hills (Sierra de Mijas) were populated by huge oak trees, highly valued by the Romans for their boat building industry.

The total population is around 25,000 of which 20% are foreigners, British, Dutch, and Scandinavian. In fact most of Europe is represented, as well as a good proportion of South American states.

There is no shop, bar, restaurant or house for that matter where a foreigner is not made welcome. The Alhaurinos hospitality is legendary and at first it may seem overwhelming until one realises that every visitor is treated the same. The exception to this rule is when a foreign visitor tries to change what the locals see as important aspects of their culture like bullfighting, personal questions about the civil war, questioning the need for their religious processions etc. These things and many others are considered sacrosanct and not worth talking about with someone who does not see it the way they do. Having said that his year the Mayor has banned the traditional ‘cattle race’ through the town’s streets during the Feria (local celebrations). The Mayor made this decision because he deems it to cruel to the animals. This is a real progressive decision which seems to have been accepted without to much protest.

My very first meal in Alhaurin was a dinner at Casa Paco and it’s still there serving good fish six days a week. In 1988 it was one of three restaurants. Today there are more than thirty restaurants including an Indian, Chinese, Italian and even a traditional English fish and chip shop.

My favourite place is Finca la Mota a 12 bedroom hotel with a lovely restaurant. The hotel is only a few kilometres from the town centre and well worth a visit. It is Dutch owned with a German chef who can cook just about any dish in the world better than they would in the country of origin. Yes even Paella! www.fincalamota.com.

There is enough nightlife in Alhaurin to satisfy the most demanding ‘ravers.’ I am told that the fashion this year is Music bars from techno to country and anything else in between. When the night is over you can have breakfast in ‘Bar Dany’ another institution open 24 hours per day for 11 months of the year.

For those seeking sports facilities, Alhaurin is second to none. The Municipal Sports Centre boasts indoor and outdoor swimming pools, tennis courts, paddle, football 7, basketball and much much more. From 7:30 until 22:30 the centre is a bee hive of activities.

For golf lovers like me there are two great courses only 4km from the town centre and 52 more within half an hours drive in almost any directions. www.alhauringolfresort.com. www.laurogolf.com.

Alhaurin el Grande is not immune to the present economic crisis effecting most of the western world, but its people, friendliness, the great weather and peaceful surroundings make this particular difficult period more bearable.

Of course for anyone wishing to buy a property now is the time. Prices are rock bottom and people (those affected most by the crisis) are willing to negotiate. Others would not sell their property for anything in the world because they could not find another place like Alhaurin el Grande anywhere in the world.